What I Didn’t Know About Confidence?

Over the years, I would hear people describe me as confident. This baffled me. Sure, I was accomplishing some things, completing some projects, but there was a lot I was procrastinating or giving up on completely. People only saw what was going on outside of me. On the inside I was a hot mess of fear and insecurity. There were many times when I played small or even hid, because of a lack of confidence.

What was going on? How was it possible to sometimes be confident enough to accomplish things but other times not? And seldom, if ever, really feel confident inside?

When I started my intensive personal development journey over 10 years ago, I decided that confidence was one of the main things I wanted to dive deep into and understand. I learned so much—many teachers, beliefs, theories, and a lot of advice on how to develop it. Great stuff, but still not answering my question or explaining the inconsistency I was experiencing.

Then I finally learned something I had never heard of or read before. I combined it with all that I had learned before and it finally explained the discrepancy I was living. It’s just a basic concept but was so powerfully life-changing for me.

Now I get to share it with other women who accomplish things and exhibit what looks like confidence on the outside but are struggling inside. Women who (like I did) wonder if they’re a fraud or living some sort of dual personality.

Well, here’s what I learned . . . there are TWO forms of confidence!

There’s the form of confidence that we’re most familiar with because, for the most part, it’s what all those books, programs, and other coaches are teaching. An extrinsic confidence that’s based on actions and results. It’s the form of confidence developed as you gain capability at something through practice or being courageous. This was the form that others were seeing from me because it was displayed on the outside. But I wouldn’t say I had held it fully or really understood what I was doing.

The other form of confidence is sometimes referred to as self-confidence. It’s intrinsic because it’s developed within you and not obviously displayed to others. It’s seldom talked about and yet the fortifying foundation needed to develop true and lasting confidence. Self-confidence was my missing link! The form I was not fully aware of, so I wasn’t feeling confident or actively developing it.

Even though they’re related, there’s a big difference between the two. Most people think of them and use them interchangeably. Sometimes they’re even combined which can create some confusion and imbalance. The only way to experience true and lasting confidence, is to develop both forms, creating a complete confidence. Self-confidence builds a foundation and confidence is its’ by-product.

You can’t sustain one form without the other and that’s why so many of us don’t feel confident or experience imbalance like I was. Learning about the two forms, how to develop them, and live in complete confidence is by far the most powerful thing I teach my clients.
Join me next week! I’m going to talk more about self-confidence. What it is, how to develop more of it, and I’ll share a few tips on how to apply it in your life.

 

Until next time!

Deborah 

To learn more, I invite you to follow me on my Facebook Page, where I share inspiration, tips, and teachings to create more confidence and empowerment.

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Learn 5 Habits of Confident Women
(that YOU can do too!)