The Reality of Confidence

What do you assume when you look at a woman who you think is confident?  You might think she has it all together, never questions herself, doesn’t worry about what others think, or has perfect relationships.  Because, after all, isn’t that the way they all are?

Well, it’s time for a different kind of reality check and to get rid of a few common myths.  Because regardless of what you think or how confident a woman comes across, there are some things confident women still deal with.  The difference is what they choose to think, how they manage their beliefs, what they make things mean, and whether or not they allow it all to prevent them from taking action.

I can explain this well because even though I consider myself confident, I’m far from perfect, still experience situations where I don’t feel confident enough, and know that’s it’s an ongoing process.  I strive to be confident in who I am, the actions I take, and in my interactions with others.  And yet, the inner work of developing my self-confidence is a daily effort and taken to new, higher levels on a regular basis because life offers “perfect” opportunties.  In other words, I (like you and every woman) have those unexpected and undesired situations and events we have to deal with that cause us to experience the discomfort of personal growth.

If you remember from previous blog posts, confidence is built on the foundation of self-confidence which consists of 4 Pillars (self-worth & belief, self-trust, emotional courage & resilience, and self-perception). And regardless of how much you’ve developed your self-confidence, there’s always opportunity for even more development.  Managing your brain and emotions is a life-long endeavor.

There are things confident women still deal with and do, mentally and/or emotionally, no matter how confident they seem to be.  The big differnce is their level of self-confidence that enables them to approach and act on things from a different perspective.  So, let’s start eliminating a few of the myths about confident women and replace them with some reality.

Confident Women Question Themselves

For one, confident women still question themselves. There’s a difference between questioning and doubting.  People think that questioning yourself is a bad thing and is a sign of low or lack of confidence.  Not true.  In fact, questioning yourself and other things in your life, empowers personal growth.  It opens you up to options and opportunities you would miss otherwise.  There is a power that comes from questioning yourself—it focuses the mind and is one more step on the journey to consciousness, managing your mind, and emotional maturity.

Confident Women Make Mistakes & Fail

Being human and trying new things is a part of life and with it always comes the possibility of making a mistake or failing.  But confident women aren’t afraid to make mistakes or experience failure because they value the learning and growth that comes from it.  In fact, many confident women welcome failure as part of the path to achieving success or accomplishing a goal.

Confident Women Have Down Days

Believe or not, confident women still have days when they feel down.  Just because you’re confident, doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time.  Everyone has those days when nothing seems to go right, and Netflix is calling your name with a indecent dose of something yummy.  But the key is to do the mental and emotional work to pick yourself up when you’re down.  Being self-confident offers you the belief and strength to be able to do that.

Confident Women Can Have Depression and/or Anxiety

Beyond the down days, a common myth is that confident women don’t struggle with depression or anxiety.  Having perfect mental or emotional health is not a pre-requisite for confidence.  It’s not realistic to think that it is.  Confident women are human and deal with various forms and levels of mental health. 

Even though they accept and allow their condition in a healthy way and take necessary medication or action, they don’t base their identity on it, nor do they take ownership of it.  You’ll never hear a confident women say, “my depression” or “my anxiety,”  instead they replace “my” with “the.”  Confident women choose to have a relationship with it that puts them in control of the disorder or illness instead of it controlling them and their lives.

Confident Women Work on Their Confidence

Last, but not least, confident women still work on their confidence.  What?  Yes, they do!  EVERY.  SINGLE.  DAY.  Confidence isn’t something you’re born with or you just have.  Being confident takes work.  Consistent work.  Not only to create and build it but also to maintain it.

My coaching clients are familiar with a lesson I teach called, “The Wall.”  It’s one of their favorite lessons because it clearly illustrates what happens to women when they experience a challenge in their life and how the brain responds.  It’s at “The Wall” where confidence is tested, developed, and taken to a higher level or not.  

As you go through life and progress on your human experience journey, you encounter many “walls.”  You can choose to use certain techniques to manage your brain and take on each wall to experience the growth that comes from it or you can choose to retreat to your “comfort zone” and not progress.

Confident women know that they need to do something every day to continue to maintain their level of confidence.  And when they come to a “wall,” they do the work that it takes to get through the challenge to experience the valuable benefits that are on the other side.  Each “wall” helps to develop and master the 4 Pillars of Self-Confidence.

So, don’t judge a book by her cover! A woman who you think is or looks confident is really just like you but maybe further down the confidence path.  Being a confident woman isn’t a destination.  It’s an ongoing and life-long process that’s worth every step of the way!

Until next time!


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